2. The Del Boca Debacle

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
Let me tell you about something that's been driving me nuts lately: low-flow showerheads. I mean, what is the point? I feel like I'm taking a shower with a leaky garden hose. It takes forever to wash the shampoo out of your hair, and by the time you're finally clean, you're freezing cold. I don't know who invented these things, but I'm pretty sure they've never actually taken a shower in their lives.

SCENE 1: - INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY

[Jerry, Elaine, and George are sitting at a booth, discussing the latest developments in their lives.] JERRY: So, my parents are moving back to Florida. Finally. GEORGE: No way! I thought they were gonna stay here forever. ELAINE: Well, they're not gonna stay here now that the Costanzas are moving in next door. GEORGE: (Smiling) Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. JERRY: Yeah, they're moving to Del Boca Vista, which is the same place my parents are moving to. I can't believe it. ELAINE: So, you're gonna have to be neighbors with your parents? JERRY: I guess so. I don't know how I'm gonna handle it. They're gonna be all up in my business, wanting to see me every day. GEORGE: (Laughing) Oh, man. That's gonna be hilarious. JERRY: You think it's funny? I don't think it's funny. I'm gonna be a prisoner in my own home. ELAINE: Well, maybe you can just avoid them. Don't answer the door when they knock. JERRY: They'll just let themselves in. They have a key. GEORGE: (Still laughing) I can't wait to see this. This is gonna be better than that time your dad got stuck in the shower. JERRY: (Scoffs) Yeah, real funny, George.

SCENE 2: - INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is packing up some of his belongings, preparing for the move. He hears a knock at the door and opens it to find his Uncle Leo standing there.] JERRY: Uncle Leo! What are you doing here? UNCLE LEO: Jerry, I need your help. I'm breaking up with Lydia. JERRY: You're breaking up with Lydia? Why? UNCLE LEO: I can't take it anymore, Jerry. She's an anti-Semite. JERRY: An anti-Semite? What do you mean? UNCLE LEO: She keeps making all these negative comments about Jewish people. I can't stand it anymore. I have to get out of this relationship. JERRY: I don't know, Uncle Leo. I thought you two were really happy together. UNCLE LEO: We were, but I can't be with someone who hates my people. I just can't. JERRY: (Sighs) Well, okay. If that's what you've decided.

SCENE 3: - INT. DEL BOCA VISTA - DAY

[Jerry's parents are unpacking boxes in their new apartment. They are both looking very happy.] HELEN: I can't believe we're finally here, Morty. I'm so excited. MORTY: Me too, Helen. I can't wait to start living the good life. [Just then, they hear a knock at the door. They open it to find Frank and Estelle Costanza standing there.] HELEN: Frank! Estelle! What are you doing here? FRANK: We just moved in next door. MORTY: (Sarcastically) Oh, really? What a coincidence. FRANK: We're not happy about it, Morty. We're only here because of you. MORTY: What do you mean? FRANK: We were gonna move to Florida, but then we found out you were moving here, so we changed our minds. We didn't want to be your neighbors. HELEN: Frank! FRANK: What? It's the truth. We don't like you, Morty. We never have. MORTY: Well, we don't like you either, Frank. FRANK: Fine. Then we're just gonna have to make the best of it. Estelle: (To Helen) Do you want some coffee, Helen? HELEN: Sure, Estelle. [The two couples go into the kitchen, leaving Frank and Morty standing in the living room, glaring at each other.]

SCENE 4: - INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is on the phone with Elaine, telling her about the latest developments.] JERRY: So, my parents and the Costanzas are now neighbors. I can't believe it. ELAINE: I know. It's crazy. I can't wait to see how it all plays out. JERRY: Me neither. I have a feeling it's gonna be a long, hot summer. ELAINE: Well, at least you'll have some good material for your act. JERRY: Yeah, that's true. I just hope I survive it. ELAINE: You'll be fine, Jerry. You always are. JERRY: Thanks, Elaine. I appreciate that.

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So, that's the story of my summer in Del Boca Vista. It was a crazy time, but it was also a lot of fun. I learned a lot about myself, and I learned a lot about the people I love. And I also learned that low-flow showerheads are the worst invention ever.