21. The Cherry Binaca

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
What's the deal with surprise visits? I mean, if you're surprising someone, aren't you also surprising yourself? You don't even know they'll be there! It's like playing roulette with your emotions. Spin the wheel, land on 'door slammed in your face' or 'awkward hug with a stranger'.

SCENE 1: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is meticulously organizing his cereal boxes by expiration date.]
JERRY: Alphabetical order just doesn't cut it, Elaine. You gotta factor in freshness. ELAINE: You're insane. I'm here to borrow some Binaca. My new cherry flavor ran out. JERRY: Cherry? Why would they come out with cherry after the original? It's like they're messing with the natural order of things. [Kramer slides in, wearing mismatched socks.]
KRAMER: Jerry, my latest scheme: personalized air fresheners. Shaped like your head! Imagine, Jerry, your face, blowing fresh pine scent. JERRY: I'd rather imagine not, Kramer.

SCENE 2: INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY

[George, Jerry, and Elaine are sitting in a booth.]
GEORGE: She took my wallet! Said she needed to buy gum. Gum! What kind of gum costs $50? JERRY: Maybe it was that new diamond-encrusted gum. For people who want to chew on their investments. ELAINE: So, are we still on for Mr. Lippman's party tonight? I hear he's got a chocolate fountain. GEORGE: A chocolate fountain? Without a wallet? I'll be standing there like a thirsty peasant, watching the rich bathe in cocoa. JERRY: You could try dipping your shirt in it. Chocolate-flavored George.

SCENE 3: INT. MR. LIPPMAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

[The party is in full swing. Kramer is attempting to make a mold of someone's face with plaster.]
[Elaine is guarding the chocolate fountain.]
KRAMER: Hold still! Just a few more seconds and we'll have a perfect Kramer-freshener prototype. PARTY GUEST: Get this thing off my face! ELAINE: No double-dipping! This is not a public swimming pool! JERRY: So, I see they went with the classic cascade model for the fountain. Not the bubbling geyser, which, in my opinion, provides better coverage. GEORGE: Is anyone else seeing visions of cocoa-drenched angels? Or is that just the hunger talking?

SCENE 4: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

[Jerry and Elaine are recounting the events of the party.]
JERRY: So, Kramer ends up setting the centerpiece on fire with his plaster mold. And then... ELAINE: And then George tries to sneak a sip of chocolate from the fountain with a ladle! JERRY: A ladle? What was he planning, soup? ELAINE: He said it was the only way to get a 'pure, unadulterated chocolate experience'. JERRY: And did he? Or did Mr. Lippman catch him red-handed, chocolate-faced?

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So, the new cherry Binaca, right? It's like they're saying, 'Hey, remember that fresh, minty breath you used to have? Forget about it! Now it's cherries!'. What's next, Binaca broccoli? Binaca bacon?