3. The Simon Situation

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
You know, I used to think that the opposite of love was hate, but I've recently come to the conclusion that the opposite of love is actually indifference. Because a lot of times, hate is just love bottled up. It's love that's been shaken real hard, and then stuck in the refrigerator. But indifference, indifference is like a cup of water. It's just there. It doesn't care about you, it doesn't care about me, it doesn't care about anything. It's just there, being indifferent.

SCENE 1: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry and George are sitting on the couch watching TV.] JERRY: I can't believe she left you for a guy named "Simon." GEORGE: I know, right? Like, what kind of name is Simon? It's not even a real name. It's like something out of a fairytale. JERRY: Well, maybe she just likes English guys. GEORGE: So? I'm American! Isn't that good enough anymore? [Kramer bursts into the apartment.] KRAMER: Hey, guys! Guess what? I just got back from England! JERRY: England? What were you doing there? KRAMER: I was visiting my new business partner, Simon. We're starting a health food import business! GEORGE: Simon? Not another Simon! KRAMER: Yeah, he's got this amazing organic refrigeration system. It's going to revolutionize the way we store food! GEORGE: Is everyone in England named Simon? JERRY: How many Simons can there be?

SCENE 2: INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY

[Jerry and George are sitting at their usual table when Elaine enters.] ELAINE: Hey, guys. You'll never believe who I met in London. JERRY: Who? GEORGE: Simon? ELAINE: How did you know? JERRY: Because apparently, every person in England is named Simon! ELAINE: Well, this Simon is different. He's a food critic, and he's coming to review the new healthy pizza place next door. GEORGE: Wait... the place that replaced my favorite pizza joint? ELAINE: Yeah, Kramer's new business partner owns it.

SCENE 3: INT. HEALTHY PIZZA PLACE - NIGHT

[The gang is gathered for the grand opening. Kramer is nervously adjusting his new organic refrigeration unit.] KRAMER: This is it! Simon's revolutionary cooling system is going to change everything! GEORGE: Which Simon are we talking about now? ELAINE: Oh look, Simon the food critic just walked in! [A distinguished-looking man enters.] GEORGE: That's him! That's the Simon who stole my girlfriend! KRAMER: No, that's my business partner Simon! ELAINE: Actually, that's my Simon, the food critic. [Three identical-looking men in suits are now standing in the restaurant.] JERRY: They're triplets. The Simons are triplets! [The refrigeration unit starts making strange noises.] KRAMER: Oh no, the organic cooling system! [The unit explodes, covering everyone in organic vegetables.]

SCENE 4: EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

[The gang is cleaning up outside Jerry's apartment.] GEORGE: Well, at least now I know why she left me. She didn't leave me for A Simon, she left me for THE Simons. They're like a franchise! JERRY: Look at it this way - you're not indifferent anymore. GEORGE: You're right. I feel... something. KRAMER: Hey, who wants some organic pizza? It's a little smoky, but it's still good!

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
You know what's funny about coincidences? They're like identical triplets - they seem impossible until you realize they're all connected. And maybe that's what love is too. It's not about being different or the same, it's about finding the right connection. Even if that connection happens to be named Simon... or Simon... or Simon.