31. The Exploding Watermelon

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
What's the deal with grocery stores? They have those misters in the produce section, right? So now, not only are you buying overpriced fruit, you're also buying slightly damp overpriced fruit. It's like a premium for humidity. I swear, one of these days, I'm gonna walk in there with a dehumidifier, just to level the playing field.

SCENE 1: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT

[Jerry is on the phone, pacing]
[Elaine enters]
JERRY: No, no, I'm telling you, it exploded. Just like that. ELAINE: Exploded? What are you talking about? JERRY: The watermelon. I put it in the fridge, went to get a glass of water, and BAM! Watermelon shrapnel everywhere. ELAINE: A watermelon can't just explode. JERRY: Oh yeah? Then explain the pink mist coating my entire kitchen.

SCENE 2: INT. MONK'S DINER

[Jerry and George are sitting in a booth]
GEORGE: So, you're telling me, a watermelon spontaneously combusted? JERRY: I'm not saying it combusted, it exploded. There's a difference. GEORGE: What's the difference? They're both messy. JERRY: One involves fire, the other involves…watermelon guts. GEORGE: You think maybe you put it in wrong?

SCENE 3: INT. ELAINE'S APARTMENT

[Elaine and Kramer are examining a watermelon]
ELAINE: Look at this thing, it's perfectly normal. KRAMER: Let me see. Ah, you see this little spot here? That's the weak point. ELAINE: What weak point? It's a watermelon. KRAMER: They have pressure points, Elaine. Like a human. Too much pressure, boom! ELAINE: You're insane.

SCENE 4: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT

[Jerry is cleaning up pink residue]
JERRY: This is ridiculous. I'm never buying another watermelon. [Kramer enters, holding a large, oddly shaped watermelon]
KRAMER: Hey Jerry, check this out! This one's a real beauty. They call it a moon melon. JERRY: Get that thing out of here, Kramer! KRAMER: But it's got a lower pressure point, practically explosion-proof!

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So, I'm thinking of getting a new fridge. One of those fancy ones with the built-in watermelon compartment. You know, with reinforced steel walls, just in case. It's a jungle out there.