45. The Rickshaw

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
Why do people always assume homeless people want to work? Like they're just sitting there waiting for someone to offer them a physically demanding job for little pay. They're homeless, not career-oriented.

SCENE 1: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is folding laundry.]
[Kramer enters, excitedly.]
KRAMER: Jerry, I've got it! The ultimate urban transportation solution! JERRY: Let me guess, those motorized roller skates again? KRAMER: Better! Rickshaws! Pulled by... the economically disadvantaged. JERRY: You're going to exploit the homeless? KRAMER: Exploit? Jerry, I'm giving them gainful employment! Think of it, a fleet of rickshaws, zipping around the city! JERRY: Zipping? Have you ever seen a rickshaw in action? It's less zipping, more... creeping.

SCENE 2: INT. MONK'S - DAY

[Jerry, Elaine, and George are at a booth.]
ELAINE: So, Mr. Lippman keeps leaving these cryptic post-it notes on my desk. JERRY: Cryptic? Like what? ELAINE: 'See me about the TPS reports.' What does that even mean? GEORGE: TPS reports? Classic passive-aggressive power move. JERRY: You think he's trying to intimidate you? ELAINE: Maybe. Or maybe he just likes TPS reports.

SCENE 3: EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY

[Kramer struggles to pull Newman in a rickshaw uphill.]
NEWMAN: Faster, Kramer! I have a mail route to finish! KRAMER: I'm trying, Newman! You're heavier than you look! NEWMAN: It's the mail, Kramer! All those catalogs! KRAMER: Maybe you should walk for a bit. NEWMAN: Walk?! I'm a postal worker, not a peasant!

SCENE 4: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry and Elaine are there.]
JERRY: So, did you ever figure out the post-it note? ELAINE: Turns out TPS stands for 'Toilet Paper Supply'. He wanted me to order more. JERRY: Toilet paper? All that for toilet paper? ELAINE: Apparently, we were running low. It was a crisis. JERRY: A toilet paper crisis. Only in an office.

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
I saw a guy on a rickshaw the other day. He looked miserable. The guy pulling him looked even worse. It was like a metaphor for something... I just don't know what.