50. The Cashmere Curse

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
What's the deal with cashmere? It's so soft, you can't help but pet it. I saw a guy in a cashmere sweater the other day, and I almost asked him if I could borrow him for a nap.

SCENE 1: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is folding laundry, Elaine is reading a magazine.]
JERRY: So, I saw this woman on the street today wearing a full cashmere outfit. Head to toe. ELAINE: Must be nice. JERRY: Nice? She looked like a very expensive goat. ELAINE: Well, cashmere is wool. From a goat. JERRY: Exactly! A walking, talking, four-thousand-dollar goat. [Kramer enters, wearing a brightly colored, mismatched outfit.]
KRAMER: Jerry, my friend, you wouldn't believe the find I just made! JERRY: Let me guess, you found a goat?

SCENE 2: INT. MONK'S - DAY

[Jerry, George, and Elaine are seated at a booth.]
GEORGE: So, I had this job interview, right? And the guy interviewing me is wearing this gorgeous cashmere sweater. JERRY: So you're saying you were intimidated by a goat? GEORGE: It was a nice sweater! And I realized, I don't own anything cashmere. Not even a sock. ELAINE: You don't need cashmere. You need a job. GEORGE: But don't you think owning cashmere would HELP me get a job? JERRY: Maybe if you applied for a job as a goat herder.

SCENE 3: INT. GEORGE'S PARENTS' HOUSE - DAY

[George is rummaging through drawers.]
GEORGE: Ma! Do you have anything cashmere? ESTELLE: Cashmere? What do I look like, the Duchess of Kent? GEORGE: But Ma, I need something cashmere for this job interview! FRANK: Why don't you wear that nice sweater your Aunt Sylvia gave you? GEORGE: That itchy monstrosity? It's made of yak hair! ESTELLE: It's alpaca! And she gave it to you out of the goodness of her heart!

SCENE 4: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry and Elaine are watching TV. George bursts in, wearing a ridiculously oversized cashmere sweater.]
GEORGE: Look! Cashmere! JERRY: You look like you're wearing a cashmere tent. ELAINE: Where did you get that? GEORGE: My Aunt Sylvia! Turns out she DID have some cashmere hidden away. It was a little big for her. JERRY: A little? You look like a lost sheep in a blizzard. GEORGE: It's cashmere! It's supposed to be oversized! It's a status symbol! [Kramer enters, now wearing a goat costume.]
KRAMER: Hey, George, nice sweater! Mind if I, uh, graze a little?

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So, what's the deal with goats? You know, they eat anything. Tin cans, newspapers, cashmere sweaters...