54. The Unspoken

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
What's the deal with silence? I mean, is it really golden? I think it's more like... dusty. Like an old trophy you never polish. You know it's there, but you don't want to deal with it.

SCENE 1: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is folding laundry. Kramer enters, miming frantically.]
JERRY: What are you doing? KRAMER: (Miming zipping his lips, then pointing at his throat) JERRY: Laryngitis? You? The human foghorn? KRAMER: (Nods vigorously, then mimes writing) JERRY: You’re writing now? What, are you composing your memoirs? KRAMER: (Writes on a notepad and shows it to Jerry: 'Vow of Silence') JERRY: A vow of silence? Why? KRAMER: (Shrugs elaborately, then mimes locking his mouth with a key and throwing it away)

SCENE 2: INT. MONK'S - DAY

[Jerry and Elaine are at a booth. George enters, agitated.]
GEORGE: You won’t believe what happened. I was at this art gallery... ELAINE: Let me guess, you tripped over a sculpture and landed in a bowl of punch? GEORGE: Worse! I tried to compliment this woman on her… unique… interpretive dance piece, and she started yelling at me in what I think was Finnish. JERRY: Interpretive dance? What was she interpreting, the mating ritual of a caffeinated squirrel? GEORGE: I don't know! It involved a lot of flailing and a disturbing amount of spandex. The point is, I can’t even talk to women anymore! ELAINE: You couldn't talk to women before. GEORGE: That's different! I had the option of failing. Now I'm preemptively failing!

SCENE 3: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is watching TV. Kramer enters, holding a charades game.]
JERRY: Still not talking, huh? This is getting ridiculous. KRAMER: (Shakes his head and points at the charades game) JERRY: Charades? You’re going to communicate through charades? This is insane. KRAMER: (Acts out 'eating', then 'delicious', then 'Newman') JERRY: Newman’s eating something delicious? What, a whole wheel of cheese? KRAMER: (Frantically shakes his head, acts out 'eating', 'garbage', 'Newman') JERRY: Newman's eating garbage?!

SCENE 4: INT. ELAINE'S OFFICE - DAY

[Elaine is at her desk. Mr. Lippman enters.]
MR. LIPPMAN: Benes, have you seen Kramer? ELAINE: He's been on this bizarre silent kick. Communicating exclusively through mime and interpretive dance. MR. LIPPMAN: Mime? Interpretive dance? What is this, a European art film? ELAINE: It’s worse. He tried to explain the plot of a movie to me through charades. I thought he was having a seizure. MR. LIPPMAN: I need him to sign these contracts. How am I supposed to get a signature from a mime? ELAINE: I have no idea. Maybe try offering him a beret and a striped shirt?

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So I guess silence isn't so golden after all. It's more like… mime silver. Shiny, distracting, and ultimately meaningless.