56. The Highwayman

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
What's the deal with lane lines? They're just suggestions, right? I mean, who hasn't wanted to just… drift a little? Just a casual swerve into the next lane. See what's going on over there.

SCENE 1: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is folding laundry.]
[Kramer enters, wearing an orange vest and carrying a trash picker.]
KRAMER: Jerry, my highway, it's a disgrace! JERRY: Your highway? You mean the one you adopted? KRAMER: Adopted, nurtured, brought into this world! And it's littered with… with refuse! Fast food wrappers, discarded lottery tickets, hubcaps… JERRY: Hubcaps? People are just shedding hubcaps like autumn leaves? KRAMER: It's an epidemic, Jerry! I need to organize a cleanup.

SCENE 2: INT. MONK'S - DAY

[Jerry, Elaine, and George are sitting in a booth.]
ELAINE: So Mr. Lippman finally gave me that promotion. GEORGE: So you're, what, a senior assistant junior editor now? ELAINE: Associate Junior Editor. And it came with a company car! JERRY: A company car? What is it, a Yugo? ELAINE: It's a Cadillac, Jerry! A beautiful, pristine, white Cadillac.

SCENE 3: EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY

[Kramer is picking up trash along the highway. Elaine drives by in her Cadillac.]
[Elaine slows down and rolls down the window.]
ELAINE: Kramer! What are you doing? KRAMER: Saving the planet, Elaine! One hubcap at a time! [A passing truck kicks up a rock, chipping Elaine's windshield.]
ELAINE: My car!

SCENE 4: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry and George are watching TV.]
GEORGE: A chipped windshield! That's a tragedy! JERRY: It's a tiny chip, George. GEORGE: It's a gateway chip, Jerry! First a chip, then a crack, then the whole windshield spiderwebs, and then… boom! You're driving a convertible! JERRY: You're afraid of a convertible? GEORGE: It's breezy, Jerry! My hair…

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So I saw a guy on the highway today, picking up trash. And I thought, 'Good for him.' Then I realized, he wasn't just picking up trash. He was organizing it. He had separate bags for paper, plastic, and… hubcaps. Hubcaps!