57. The Red Dot

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
What's the deal with cashmere? It's like the fabric version of a first-class plane ticket. Everyone wants it, but no one wants to pay for it. And if you do find a deal, there's always a catch, like a tiny red dot that somehow devalues the entire garment. I mean, it's a dot! It's smaller than a flea! But suddenly, it's like the sweater has leprosy.

SCENE 1: INT. MONK'S - DAY

[Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a booth.]
JERRY: So, George got a job reading scripts for Mr. Lippman. ELAINE: I know! And the first thing he does is buy me a cashmere sweater as a thank you. JERRY: Cashmere? That's a big move for George. ELAINE: It was. Until I noticed the tiny red dot. JERRY: A red dot? Like a flaw? ELAINE: Yes! A scarlet letter of cheapness!

SCENE 2: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is on the phone, Kramer enters.]
JERRY: (On phone) No, no, I'm telling you, it was a crimson dot of shame... What? ... Hold on. KRAMER: Jerry, my shower curtain rod keeps falling down! JERRY: Kramer, I'm on the phone! Can't this wait? KRAMER: But my bathroom's flooded! It's like a miniature Niagara Falls in there! JERRY: (On phone) Look, I gotta go, my apartment's about to become a water park.

SCENE 3: INT. MR. LIPPMAN'S OFFICE - DAY

[George is sitting at his desk reading a script. Mr. Lippman enters.]
MR. LIPPMAN: Costanza, have you read that script yet? GEORGE: Almost finished, Mr. Lippman. It's… riveting. MR. LIPPMAN: Good, good. Get it to me by the end of the day. GEORGE: Absolutely. [Mr. Lippman leaves. George sighs and stares at the script.]

SCENE 4: INT. MONK'S - DAY

[Jerry, Elaine, and George are at a booth.]
ELAINE: So I told him, 'George, a red dot? It's like a beacon of bargain-hunting!' GEORGE: It was on sale! What was I supposed to do? JERRY: Return it! Exchange it! Set it on fire! GEORGE: But it was cashmere! ELAINE: Discounted, flawed cashmere.

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So what is it with these tiny flaws? A scratch on a new car, a run in your stockings, a red dot on a cashmere sweater. It's like the universe is telling you, 'Enjoy this, but not too much. Remember, I can always make it worse.'