58. The Hook

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
What's the deal with closets? They're like a black hole. You put things in, you never see them again. I'm convinced my socks are mating in there, creating new, mismatched offspring.

SCENE 1: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is folding laundry. Elaine enters.]
JERRY: So, I met this woman. Very attractive. A closet organizer. ELAINE: A closet organizer? What is this, 1950? What's wrong with just shoving everything in? JERRY: That's what I thought! But she's got this whole system. Hooks, shelves, compartments. She's like a closet surgeon. ELAINE: And what's wrong with your current system? JERRY: I have a system? I've got a chair. [Kramer slides in, wearing an assortment of mismatched clothes.]
KRAMER: Jerry, my friend, I need your closet. Just for a day. My closet has become self-aware. JERRY: Self-aware? What are you talking about?

SCENE 2: INT. MONK'S - DAY

[George and Jerry are seated at a booth.]
GEORGE: So, this new job. They want me to wear a tie. A tie, Jerry! In this economy? JERRY: It's a sign of respect, George. Professionalism. GEORGE: Respect? I’ll show them respect. I’ll show them a tie so tight, their eyes will pop out! JERRY: So, the closet organizer… GEORGE: Oh, yeah, I had a date with a hooker once. Worst posture I've ever seen. Couldn't even stand up straight. JERRY: A hooker? I'm talking about a closet organizer, George!

SCENE 3: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry's apartment is filled with hooks. Kramer is hanging upside down from one, wearing a suit.]
JERRY: What are you doing? KRAMER: Gravity boots, Jerry! Increases blood flow to the brain. Helps with ideas. JERRY: You’re hanging from a hook in my closet. You're not supposed to be in my closet! [Elaine enters, carrying a dry-cleaning bag.]
ELAINE: Jerry, what happened to your closet? It looks like a serial killer's convention. JERRY: It's a new system!

SCENE 4: INT. MONK'S - DAY

[Jerry, Elaine, and George are at a booth.]
JERRY: So, the closet organizer, she broke up with me. ELAINE: Over the hooks? JERRY: No! She said I was too attached to my…stuff. GEORGE: That's rich, coming from a closet organizer. What does she do, throw out other people’s stuff for a living? JERRY: She said I needed to simplify. Embrace minimalism. ELAINE: Minimalism? What is that, some kind of religion?

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So, minimalism. What's the deal with that? You know what's minimalist? My apartment after I do laundry. A pile of clothes in the corner. Very Zen.