61. The Shade

OPENING MONOLOGUE

INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT

JERRY:
I find the human fascination with water is amazing. We're constantly going to beaches, pools, lakes, rivers, we're swimming, we're snorkeling, we're-we're scuba diving, we bathe in it, our bodies are mostly made of water, everyone is caring around these bottles of water. We can't get enough water, unless it rains then we're like, 'Oh, look I'm soaked. I am literally drenched.' For some reason we have a huge problem with small flying water. I-It'll just stop us right in our tracks. 'Uh, I felt a drop, We're gonna get caught in it! Everyone cover your water bottles, run!!'

SCENE 1: INT. JERRY'S CAR

KRAMER: All right, get off at the next exit.

JERRY: Kramer, I've driven to east Hampton many times, I know the exit.

KRAMER: It's a great house, pool, sun deck? Yeah, I'll be there.

JERRY: (To Elaine) You sure we're makin' the right move?

ELAINE: We gotta see the new baby anyway, at least we'll get a weekend in the Hamptons out of it.

JERRY: Didn't they just have a baby?

ELAINE: That was two years ago, remember? 'Jeh-Ree, you gotta see the Bay-Bee! You gotta see the Bay-Bee!'

SCENE 2: INT. GEORGE'S CAR

GEORGE: I never tasted a cough medicine I didn't love.

JANE: Me too. I love cough medicine.

GEORGE: You see? We were made for each other. (Thinking to himself) It's amazing. If I reach out and touch her breast right not, she'd scream and throw me out of the car. But at this time tomorrow, I could touch it all I want.

JANE: What's your favorite?

GEORGE: Potussan. Ever try it with club soda?

JANE: No.

SCENE 3: EXT. HOUSE - BACKYARD

KRAMER: Hey Jerry. Rub some lotion on my back.

JERRY: Who are you, Mrs. Robinson?

KRAMER: Come on, I'll rub some on yours.

JERRY: No, that's no sweet'ning the deal. No.

GEORGE: (To Jane) You know, when I was a kid, I once found a dollar and fifty cents in change on the bottom of the pool.

JANE: (No feeling in her voice) You must've been excited.

SCENE 4: EXT. HOUSE - BACKYARD

ELAINE: Look at my face, look at it. You see any lines?

JERRY: No lines.

ELAINE: You know why? One word: shade.

JERRY: So when are we gonna see this baby? When is the momentous event?

ELAINE: I don't know. They're takin' a nap or something.

KRAMER: I'm gonna go see if there are any girls on the beach. Elaine, you wanna come?

ELAINE: (Sarcastic) No thanks. I got plenty of girlfriends.

CLOSING MONOLOGUE

INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT

JERRY:
So, we like the water, but not too much. And it has to be the right kind of water. Not the kind falling from the sky. That's a water we don't trust. That water has an agenda. That's a water that ruins picnics.